A relationship can sometimes feel like a battlefield and combined with the inevitable stress of moving, it can quickly become a disaster. If you want to avoid breaking up while moving in together, here is what you should expect.
Move in together for the right reasons
If you are simply doing it for the convenience of paying less rent or living in a better apartment, you shouldn’t be doing it at all.
Both people have to be ready for the level of intimacy required when sharing a space with someone, all day, every day. You have to be certain of the emotional depth of your relationship in order to make this big step.
Be ready for the lack of true privacy
While living alone, you must have gotten used to your own space. Being able to walk into your apartment and shut out the world. However, when you move in with your partner, this privacy goes away.
Knowing that your partner is waiting home after a long day is, on most days, a good thing. However, sometimes you just need a little space for yourself. If this is the case, talk to a partner about your issues and explain that you just need some time alone.
It’s no longer just your apartment
You have to face the fact that both of you call a place a home, and it should feel that way on both sides. You are moving in together, and that’s a big step. Compromising on how to use the space you have is extremely important. It should be a comfortable space for everyone. If you are unsure of how to dispose of unnecessary stuff, a good idea might be renting out a storage unit together for the things you do not wish to keep in the apartment, but don’t want to give up.
Local garage sales, flea markets, and antique stores are great places to find something that you both can agree on. Plus, browsing for things together might help you find out more about each other’s style.
Accepting each other’s flaws
While it is easy to hide small flaws from someone when you don’t live together, it is almost impossible to do so when sharing space. You might find out something that you don’t really like, but it is important to keep in mind that you love this person and they are just that – a person. Both of you probably have some quirky habits or outright disgusting ones, and it is better to be open about it from the start, rather than have to hide from your partner and live in fear. After all, you want to feel free and comfortable in your own home, and especially with the person, you love.
Talk about money
Money is one of the most common reasons for disagreement in a relationship, and it can lead to bigger problems in the future. It might be an uncomfortable topic, but the money talk is a necessity. You have to figure out from the start of how the bills are going to be divided.
It is not imperative that you should split everything in half, but setting the rules of payments at the beginning will spare you from having arguments about it in the future.
Arguments are going to happen
No matter how much you might think you and your partner are compatible, once you decide on moving in together the rules go out the door.
Conflicts are virtually inevitable when sharing a space with your significant other. How you deal with them that signal how your relationship will flow. Even the most insignificant arguments can lead to bigger problems, so it is crucial that both you and your partner discuss your feelings and what impact each other’s words and actions have. If you are open and honest throughout, such arguments do not have to escalate.
It’s alright to do separate things
Before you live with someone, you might think you want to spend every moment with them. However, this changes once you start living with them. It is alright, and even healthy, to have separate interests and friends. This will help you retain a sense of identity while moving in together since you are not defined by and as the person you are with.
It may even make your relationship better in the sense that you will have the time and the opportunity to miss them and be even happier once you see them again.
Communication is key when moving in together
Every good relationship is based on open and honest communication. That becomes even truer once you decide to move in together. You need to keep talking about anything and everything. No topic or thought is too small. On the other hand, the ‘big’ things are just as important.
The way you handle money, where you should live, how many kids you want and what their names should be.
It is better to talk about it at the outset than to be unpleasantly surprised years down the road.
Additionally, you should tell your partner what is bothering you, particularly if it is something that they have control over. They might be willing to make a change, but you have to outright tell them.
A happy, well-rounded relationship is based on openness and honesty. If you cannot be yourself around them, do you even want to be with them? Find someone who doesn’t get mad when you leave the toilet seat up or dirty dishes in the sink.
They should know about your quirks and love you for them, not just tolerate them.
Are you ready?
Already feeling the stress of moving in together slowly lifting? Problems when moving are common, but the most important thing is to enter the process with a cool head and a clear goal. Sharing a space with your partner may seem frightening. Still, if you open your heart and work on your relationship issues, moving in together will be much easier.